Grief and remembrance...and the thoughts they inspire

Four years ago today my 17 year old cousin was killed in a horrible car accident.  Needless to say it really threw me for a loop in many ways.  Not only the loss of his presence in the family but the way it made me feel as a parent.  Since then I've looked at things relating to my family and my daughter in an entirely different way.  And I've also lost a couple of friends along the way because of it.  Its funny how when you turn your focus more internally that it can upset other people...people who should be old enough to get that I'd rather take care of my kid and my family instead of sitting around and listening to all their problems and saying oh poor you, especially when most of their problems they've brought on themselves....or that I'd rather stay home instead of pawning my kid off on someone else so i can go out and get drunk with them in a bar, drinking over priced beer and then have to drive home afterward.
The really amazing thing is how much better you can feel after a friendship loss such as that...the proverbial weight lifted from the shoulders or the soul. It's the life suckers that drag us all down, the people who you hang out with and then need to take a nap afterwards. It also makes you appreciate the other people in your life who lift you up and make you feel happy to be around them; the satisfaction of cooking a good meal for your family and then settling in for a night of TV watching in the basement or the relaxing comfort of spending a Saturday afternoon on a friend's deck (which come to thing of it, I'm long overdue on this one LOL). I guess i understand better now how loss can lead to gain, and how everything has a balance.
Today I also have to attend a wake for a friends long time partner.  At the age of 70-something, its not as a shock as the death of a young person, but anything that causes people to hurt is never good. Its days like today that should remind us to hug our babies a little tighter, kiss our spouses a little longer and make sure we appreciate every moment we're given with someone special all that much more.